The CORE Approach®

The CORE of Really Being Alive - Expectations
Hello again! It's about that time - time for the last installment in the CORE series. We've talked about Choice, about Opportunity, and about Responsibility. Hopefully, you've thought about these things, and begun to make changes that reflect a more conscious approach to your career, relationships, and life. If not, feel free to go to the website and re-read the previous articles www.verisassociates.com/newsletter.shtml and see if they have meaning for you. Or, if you missed any of the previous newsletters, you can go back and catch the beginning of the series!

So, here we are at Expectations. There are many ways to look at this topic. We can view it from the standpoint of others' expectations, as you might expect. But first, I want to view it from the perspective of your own expectations. Whenever we approach the topic of expectations, the first place to look is inside ourselves.

We're all great at believing the negative things people tell us, and the things we consequently "learn" about ourselves. Things like "I'm not smart enough to do this," or "I need to lose weight so that people will like me more." It's much harder for us to believe positive things about ourselves. This is evidenced in many of the personal statements we tell ourselves, consciously or subconsciously, every day. We all have doubts, and these doubts about ourselves surface readily at the first sign of difficulty or trouble in our lives.

They're shown by the mother whose child is not doing as well as expected in school, and she wonders what she's done wrong. Or by the manager who meets with an employee who has decided to take another position, and he thinks that perhaps he didn't meet the employee's needs. Or by responding to our spouse, who may be in a more quiet mood than usual, and we wonder if it's been caused by something we've done or said.

In contrast, it's much more difficult to conjure up the positive images of ourselves. The first expectation you need to set, especially in times of changes in your life, is your own. What do you expect of yourself? What do you know, without a doubt, and even in difficult times, is true about you? Think of five positive affirmations about yourself, preferably in regard to the situation you find yourself in, or the changes you want to make, and repeat them often to yourself. (Some therapists may even tell you to do this in front of the mirror.) Write them down, and keep them somewhere you can review them often. An affirmation is a positive statement, such as: "I know that I am an educated and experienced business person, and can tackle difficult situations such as _________ at work." It can be a simple "I like the person I am, and so will others," statement.

The second expectation you need to set is how you will react in times of stress. We tend to regress toward our "comfort zone" in difficult times, even when that comfort zone is not good for us. Think ahead, and do some introspective role playing, in order to see yourself handling your self-thoughts positively in times of stress, so that you will be prepared when the stress hits.

If your style has always been to get upset and begin to raise your voice when the stress begins, begin to envision yourself staying calm, with an even voice tone, and handling the matter straight-forwardly in a confident manner. Think through situations which could bring out your negative style, and change the scene to reflect the positive approach you want to use. It's a bit like a mental rehearsal. If you use this method, you will find that the more positive approach is more likely to be the one you use, because it's become familiar to you, and consequently, you are beginning to get comfortable with it. You've effectively changed your comfort zone to this new behavior, and will, in time, come to expect it of yourself.

The third expectation you need to set is the one for others around you. How the world sees you, and how you see yourself, will determine how the world treats you. Your personal affirmations, and your faith in yourself (along with whatever spiritual power your faith is in) will guide others to the treatment you deserve. In other words, when you are confident and treating yourself well, others will have confidence in you and treat you with respect.

That's it in a nutshell in terms of expectations, but it's much easier said than done. We need to constantly be reminding ourselves of the positive traits and characteristics we have. It's a struggle to believe in ourselves day in and day out. Even those who seem arrogant are really insecure and the arrogance is a form of overcompensation. There's a difference between arrogance and confidence. The idea here is to be authentic, and truly understand what is valuable from our soul, or our innermost depths, in order to believe in ourselves and have the world see the value that we add by being here and doing what we do.

Try it for a week, and let me know whether it's difficult or easy for you. Email me at debmoses@verisassociates.com and tell me how it's going! Until next time, Have A Transforming Day!